Archive for funny

Mini Odd Weekend Fun

Posted in Artistic Stuffs with tags , , , , , , on October 15, 2012 by Dustin

Mini Me gave Dr. Evil a cute little side kick to hatch his evil plans. He could sit on his lap and they would laugh together, but no one ever saw the behind the scenes where Dr. Evil’s leg would cramp from having that little guy perched there for so long.

Odd Puppet

The Great Odd Handheld

As some of you may or may not know I moonlight as The Great Odd. I answer questions and generally act silly while sitting in a giant gold box identical to the small one in the picture above. I have also had one other incarnation of The Great Odd with my Gold painted suit and Box on my head. This month for the Walking Gallery in Pomona the theme was Muppets so I had to make a puppet. (Not that it was required of the gallery but being that puppets are so interactive I had to.) I made the puppet and tested out my sound system that morning and was pretty proud of my work. I never know how well things will go on the streets but as usual it went very well. People love to ask the The Great Odd questions. By the end of the night things got more raunchy, also as usual for Pomona, but for the most part it was all just good fun with no feelings hurt.

I find it “Odd”, no pun intended, that my Great Odd persona and gimmick keep shrinking. My wife jokingly said the next thing will be finger puppets and now I have to do that. The only thing will be where do I mount the speakers? Maybe I could mount them on my shoulders like little amplified shoulder pads. I’ll figure it out and of course post info on how it went. As for this weekend’s puppet Odd things went great. I covered my face as well to keep the mystery alive with the fans of The Great Odd and answered all the standards like “What’s the meaning of life?” and “Will I get laid soon?” but also some other good ones like “Am I male or female?” At the end of the night this was not one of my favorite ways to present the Odd due to the nature of the puppet. My arm and shoulder were killing me from holding it up all night and waving it in people’s faces yelling “Ask me a question!” I’m not sure if I would do this one again, but it was fun to try it out. If you would like the Great Odd to show up for one of your parties just message me.

Mini Odd Next To Big Odd

Mini Odd Next To Big Odd

For video of this weekend check my Facebook. For past videos check my Youtube.

Figuratively Drawing Attention To Myself

Posted in Artistic Stuffs with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2012 by Dustin

Tonight I went to Perma Dirty in Claremont for their first figure drawing session. I was planning to draw and pay my $10 bux and hang out but I got invited to model instead. I had posted on the event page “When can I model?” and Bob Hurton took me up on it. We planned together for me to show up in costume and pose. I put together a super hero outfit of sorts with boxer briefs and a home made mask and scooter. I wanted to bring a BMX bike but it wouldn’t fit in my trunk. There’s always next time.

Sexxy and I Know It

Super Odd

I didn’t think it would be as tough as it was to sit still. The 10 minute poses on my side and laying down were pretty killer and gave me some serious neck and back cramps. The hardest of all was my sitting pose ala the thinker which I held for 20 minutes. My daughter was there helping out for her community service (for government class not because she is a hooligan  and someone asked her if she was disturbed by my poses and her response was, “I’ve seen worse.” I don’t know if she meant she’s seen worse from me or from somewhere else. Bob got me some Reeses Peanut Butter cups as payment but I really would have done this for free. I love trying new things and this was certainly a first.

I need some suggestions for other outfits for figure drawing. I’m not sure if I can do the “Full Monty” as Bob put it, but you never know, I may be down to get crazy. Thanks so much to Jad for being there to help me along the way tonight as well. I couldn’t have done it without the support of everyone at Perma Dirty and my awesome family. I love you all.

Leo Dicaprio I'm Ready For My Portrait

Kate Winslet Aint Got Nothing On Me

Bagel Mistake In The Break Room

Posted in Random Stuff with tags , , , , , , , on September 13, 2012 by Dustin

I usually don’t rant too much, well at least not on this blog, but this morning I witnessed something so bizarre and unexplainably dumb that I had to share. Bare with me while I get this out.

I am in training this week. Every dayI have a ritual. I get to the training facility and clean out my cup, get a coffee and a bagel, and head to class. Everyday there is a bagel in the tray that is halved. Usually someone will take one half of a bagel and leave the other since they didn’t want a whole bagel. Someone has been halving the bagel that is already sliced right down the middle leaving one half top piece and one half bottom piece. Basically rendering this bagel untoastable, which is annoying but I get around it and use another whole bagel instead. Really this is a first world problem and I don’t care. (I can’t eat seeds due to some intestinal issues, so if there are no bagels left without seeds then I do get a little upset.) This morning I saw the lady who has been cutting bagels in half.

I had assumed who ever was messing up bagels was eating them cold, but today I came in to the break room and found a lady fishing bagel pieces out of the toaster. She had cut the bagel then stuck the pieces into the toaster where they were hard to get out, WTH?! So I am looking at this thinking, “What a dumb ass.” Then she goes to put cream cheese on it… with a spoon. She couldn’t find a knife, which I found in two seconds, so she used a spoon. She didn’t use the handle of the spoon which is similar enough to a knife, she used the spoon to scoop the cheese out and then tried to spread it around. I offered her the knife I found and she says, “Oh that’s ok, I’m almost done anyway.” Yeah might as well finish up the round trip of your stupidity.

Broken Bagel

WTH? Noooo!

After typing this up it does seem petty to be upset about this, which really I’m not but I do think it was peculiar. It does scare me that this person is training to work on computers at the school in my area. Good thing I don’t need to have someone else work on my machines, I may get the bagel genius.

Community Drawing, Notes To The Public, and More

Posted in Artistic Stuffs, Stuff With My Kid, Writer's Blox with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2012 by Dustin

I did a lot this weekend creatively. By the time Sunday football came around I was pretty worn out. It didn’t help that I spent most of Saturday in 100 degrees fixing sprinklers and making multiple trips to the hardware store. This post is going to be picture heavy so I hope you enjoy.

Community Drawing – My First Piece

First thing we did this weekend was Friday at Perma Dirty in Claremont CA. I brought my nephew, daughter, and wife and we joined in the community draw which is going on for the next couple months. All the walls are covered in paper and blank canvases and also some furniture. I chose the chair to start with since it was free and had nothing on it yet.

Nephew's First Drawing

Nephew’s First Drawing Of The Night

Daughter Painting On The Wall

Zoe painting on the wall

After I was done with the chair I moved around the room to admire the work others were working on and chat it up with some friends in attendance. It was pretty warm with all the people and the unusually high humidity for Southern California but we all made due. I saw one guy doing homework next to an amazing artist Cynthia Garcia while she worked diligently on her chalk portrait of the Breaking Bad main star (sorry I don’t have a pic of that).

Doing Homework Is More Interesting To This Guy

Doing Homework Is More Interesting To This Guy

I decided to put a note and an arrow to have fun with this guy. Later he added some math equation which I laughed at. I drew a few more clever doodles and then we left because we were getting tired and hot and wanted to go to bed.

Juicy Weiner

My Juicy Wiener

Nar's Wall

Narwhal’s Like Other Walls

Dunce

What a Dunce

Slender Man

My Daughter Drew Slender Man

So the next day I spent way too long working on the sprinklers but after that we went down to Pomona to participate in the Walking Gallery. The name for this month’s show was Note To Self. My wife gave me a funny idea which I capitalized on. I took a small white board and a dry erase marker and made funny signs all night to get the people walking by to either laugh or interact with me.

What Are You Looking At?

Good way to get you to look at my crotch

I changed my sign every so often after I got a few laughs. Sometimes I had to wait a little bit for people to pay attention to me. I never called out to anyone. I wanted to be as non available as possible. As if the sign wasn’t very important and if they wanted to look they could but as if it was just part of me not something I was doing. Worked out great!

Some People Laughed, Most Cringed

Some People Laughed, Most Cringed

What do you think they touched?

What do you think they touched?

I like making people laugh and I got quite a few laughs out of this piece. I may revisit this another month if I having nothing else to show since it was so much fun.

Only 1?

Only 1?

On Sunday I watched some football and then went to the opening for the newest Chaffey Review literary and art journal at Simplicitea in Rancho Cucamonga. It was butt-ass hot! So many people showed up and it was good to see but with the stupid heat it was hard to do much but drink tea until I exploded. I have a short story in the latest volume, volume 8, which is my first published short story The Last Words Of Tim Dawson. You can buy a copy by sending them a check. All the details are on the website: http://www.chaffeyreview.org/.

Chaffey Review Volume 8

Chaffey Review Volume 8

Pretty busy weekend. Hopefully next month I can finally get the “Big Project” done that I have all these parts for but haven’t spent any time building. I’ll keep you updated. Hope everyone enjoyed the pictures. Let me know in the comments below or on my Facebook page what you thought!

Greener Grass Than Mine

Posted in Artistic Stuffs, Writer's Blox with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 4, 2012 by Dustin

Let Your Dogs Run Wild

Anytime I travel to a new town the grass seems to be exceptionally greener on their side. The food is in walking distance and is amazing with 400 thousand options. Kitschy neighborhoods with quaint little shops selling all kinds of frivolity abound and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I stay living in such a mundane vanilla town with abso-freaking-lutely nothing but track homes and corporate businesses sucking the life blood out my creative soul? I’ve been to a few cities and not all of them give me such vehement reactions to my own home town but too damn many have and I’m really wondering when am I going to start planning my escape?

I have made the best of living here in suburbia, about 50 miles east of LA in the mecca of the Walmart culture. I run multiple video sites on youtube, do performance art on the street once a month, write blogs and stories and poetry, and once a year I fill my garage with horrific scenes of blood and gore and invite the neighbors to walk through and get some candy.  It’s all very fun and I love the people I hang with for all these events, but the lack of anything happening on it’s own, especially restaurant wise, is killing me.

I visited Portland Oregon this weekend as a birthday present to my wife. Albeit this is the Vegan/Vegetarian stomping ground for a shit ton of hippy types, it is still a good example of city life breeding creativity not only in culinary amazing sauce, but also in art. (I am fairly biased being that I am a vegetarian freak myself.) We walked to the local once a year art happening “Art in the Pearl” and met lots of fun people from all over that are doing things and making it happen. The last time I saw anything related to art in my little dumpy town was when the guy with the white van set out all his paint by number pieces in front of Ralph’s to be sold to people who needed something to fill some space above the mantle and wouldn’t know art if it shit in their Twinkie.

My wife and I have gone back and forth and we’re pretty sure we like northern California for our eventual landing spot but for now we’re braving the 110 average heat index during the summer and a terrible food selection so that our daughter can finish high school with her friends. Come next year we may just be searching for a new place in the bay area. Until then we make the most of what we got.

Where do you think the grass is greener?

The Benson Hotel – Portland Oregon

Lazy and Fearful – My Creative Routine

Posted in Writer's Blox with tags , , , , , , on July 20, 2012 by Dustin
Dustin Scott - Artist

Me at Walking Gallery in Pomona CA

I have a head full of ideas and a to do list a mile long, but I’d rather sleep in and meander through my weekend than do anything about it. I have writing projects I’ve put off for years; performance art projects I have supplies for that are gather dust in the garage; and a honey do list that my wife won’t stop harping about. I’ll get to it when I have time sheesh, get off my back.

I have a million excuses why I am not being productive whether it’s mowing the lawn or starting my next script:

  • I don’t have time – True to an extent but I just watched all of the last season of True Blood last month so… (I had to get caught up on my erotic soap opera with vampires man).
  • I don’t know where to start – The beginning would be a good place
  • It’s too hot out – There are plenty of projects inside too
  • I have too much to do – Try eliminating some of that stuff and you may have a few hours to spare
  • What if I do this and no one likes it? – What if never got me anywhere, why not has gotten me plenty
  • It will take me forever – If you wait a week or work a week it’s still one week later, get off your ass and do it

I have a few projects that I believe to be great creative opportunities. I haven’t worked on any of them recently. I have barely begun on anything lately. I have been doing some video work with my daughter and that has been pretty fun. (See them here MetalDadAnimeGirl , MetalPMV). My writing on the other hand has been pretty sparse. I have some finished products I don’t want to look at and new projects I’m nervous about starting because they’re so monumentally large that I know it will be months of writing to complete. My Brain tells me “Why start something that big when you couldn’t even sell the other three large projects you finished?” Shut up brain, you don’t know me mutha sucka, I’ll kick your brainy ass.

My wife says I should write about it so I thought I would do some blogging maybe once a week and see if anyone out there has any help to assist. Maybe the cathartic exercise of writing weekly on my struggles will yield some kind of answer to the ultimate questions. That or I should stop pontificating and get off my lazy ass.

I will put this one idea out there and see what people think. I want to get a show going and test it at the local small comedy venue in Claremont California called Flappers. I could book the act with only a host and maybe one or two opening acts then I would do an hour show. It would be comedy but not stand up. I would be telling stories (true stories from my life) and then work the crowd to get some of their stories. I would pair this with slides of pictures from my life that would match up to the stories. I have discussed this idea with friends and they all seem supportive. But here I am writing about the idea still and not taking any initiative to get it going. The only thing holding me back is fear. Fear of the untested unknown show that in my head looks great, and on paper looks fine as well, but can I pull it off? Will I be able to get butts in the seat? Will they stare into my eyes and not get what I am trying to do? I will be up there for an hour which I have never done before. I think about it and I think hell yeah I can do it, but the last time I saw the guy from Flappers putting up signs in the kiosk out front I didn’t talk to him about the opportunity to do a one day show mid-week did I? No I did not. When I had free time at home I didn’t start putting a file of pictures together and brainstorming stories for the show did I? No I played video games, watched more TV (again True Blood is pretty damn fun) and generally made excuses on why I wasn’t doing shit to move myself forward.

Tropics Lounge

Playing my pink sparkle Hello Kitty drumset

That’s just what I do. You know what else I do? I get a hair up my ass and work and get things done. I’ve done it before and I will do it again. I just wish the times in between the ass hair times weren’t such a bummer. I have written two books, a year of daily letters to my wife, a script, and I’m currently more than half way done on a poetry book. I have put together numerous performance art pieces and put out multiple CD’s of music with my punk band The Atomic Bombs. I can do things I just lag sometimes. When I stop lagging then the world better watch out because here I come.

Zoe Quotes: My Teenager Thinks This Book Is Stupid

Posted in Stuff With My Kid, Writer's Blox with tags , , , , , on August 11, 2011 by Dustin

I have been collecting quotes from my young daughter (she is sixteen now so maybe not so young). I have quite a few and almost enough for a fun little book of quotes. Everyone who reads them on my Twitter or Facebook account loves them and they keep telling me she needs a show on TV, a book of these quotes, or her own Twitter page. I post them on my Twitter page which links back to Facebook so if you want to keep up on her current quotes you can follow either. So I have all these quotes and I would like to put together a little book. I call them Zoe quotes because that is her name, but I was thinking that on a worldwide selling standpoint I would need to come up with something more generic. I have been tossing around these names for the book instead of Zoe Quotes:

Zoe

Little Zoe All Grown Up

  • Kid Quotes (to generic, and it’s one kid and this makes it sounds plural like I polled a bunch of kids)
  • Teenager Quotes (Same as the one above)
  • My Goofy Kid and the Stuff She Says (Too long but it does capture the essence of what the book is)
  • Quotes From a Teenager (Blah, I’m not liking where this is going)
I don’t know what to call it. Maybe the four or five people who actually read this blog will have an answer. Your thoughts in the comments below would be appreciated.
I also have been pondering what kind of format to use. Yeah I have a bunch of quotes, not enough to make a 365 day calendar but a bunch. I don’t want to just throw them into book as is and leave it at that. I would like to type something up about each one. Maybe a little history about the quote. That would mean I would have to remember stuff. I am not so good at remembering stuff. Or maybe another funny anecdote to go along with it. I used to do stand up comedy and the bulk of my routine was quotes or things Zoe did turned into comedy bits. I am leaning towards writing little comedy bits on each quote so people could read the quote then laugh at the bit that proceeds it. I am way open to any suggestions. I will for sure be self publishing this. Anyone who helps with ideas will get a free advanced copy if this ever come to fruition.
I asked Zoe what she though about the book idea and she said “I don’t know, sounds stupid.” Maybe I should call it that. My Teenager Thinks This Book Is Stupid.
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