Archive for the Random Stuff Category

Public Letter To My Wife – What I Won’t Do For You

Posted in Random Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2012 by Dustin
My Family Spreading Cheer

My Family Spreading Cheer During the Holidays

Everyone always declares what their willing to do for their significant other. I would like my beautiful wife to know some of things I won’t do for her. I hope you enjoy.

“Honey” Carny Val,

I won’t ever lay hands on you in anger. I may tweak your nipple if you tweaked mine first but know that I do this out of love for your nipples and defense of mine. I won’t ever stop wanting you, in fact… get over here and give me some sugar. I won’t stop trying to improve for you because you deserve the best and I will always try to hit the mark even if I fall short most of the time. I won’t stop trying to make you laugh at least once during every 24 hour period (it might not always work but I keep trying). I won’t say no to sex if you ask for it, not gonna happen, seriously if you don’t believe me ask right now. I won’t talk about you to other people in a negative way. You are too special and I believe in spreading the word until the whole world knows what a lucky man I am. I won’t stop being a complete dork that likes to goof around and be silly. I won’t say no to getting you something else to eat when I make a dud dinner, sometimes banana curry just wasn’t the dish to try out and In-N-Out may just save the night. I won’t stop writing you letters. I won’t stop doing your hair if you need to save money (just take it easy on me when I frustrate you in the process). I won’t stop making your friends jealous of your husband. I won’t stop trying to make you feel better when you’re sick, cold, hungry, sore, achy, on your period, in a bad mood, sad, or upset because I was stupid again. I won’t stop forgetting that one guy that was in that one show with that other guy in it from that one movie, you know the one. I won’t stop having the same birthday as you and being 4 hours older. I won’t stop asking you what do you want to do for dinner. I won’t stop being excited to share news with you. I won’t stop wanting to give you your gift early, it’s just so hard and I really love to see your happy face smile. I won’t stop laughing when you snore at night (seriously it’s way too cute). I won’t get tired of seeing movies with you. I won’t stop holding your hand in public. And most important, I won’t stop loving you. You are everything I want in a woman:

  • Creative
  • Strong
  • Funny
  • Smart
  • Smokin Hot
  • Good Mom
  • Great with Money
  • Vegetarian
  • And a nice ass

Thank You,

“Honey” The Great Odd Dustin


Helping Dad With Technology

Posted in Random Stuff with tags , , , , , , , on November 7, 2012 by Dustin

I am helping my Dad this coming weekend with a new phone. He’s been talking to me for some time about getting a working smart phone and decided on the iPhone 5.  I will be making the trek to his house (2 hour drive) and trying my best to teach him how to use it. He has had issues with his portable phone at his house so this could be a challenge. He is up for it though and I know he’ll like the phone and all of its features.




I don’t get out much to see him but we talk on the phone about once a week or so. Since he lives so far away and I have such a busy schedule it makes it hard for me to stop by for quick visits and I have to plan full day trips. I try my best to get as much done for him while I’m out there since he won’t see me for a few months once I leave. He is technologically challenged though and will have lots of questions once I’m gone so hopefully the iPhone is simple enough for him to deal with on his own and not make him feel like he is wasting the 40 a month he is paying for it through my plan.

The one bummer about going up there this weekend is that the gallery I have written about in the past, the Walking Gallery, is being filmed by a local documentarian that night and I will miss it. I am ok with missing it due to the reason, helping my dad, but it’s still a bummer. Hopefully she will also be out the next month to witness what I have to offer. Until then I will be showing a 60 year old what an App is and how to reboot the phone if it freezes. Se la vie. I hope your weekend is good and thanks for stopping by.

Haunted Helpers

Posted in Random Stuff, Stuff With My Kid with tags , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2012 by Dustin

Circus Freakz

This weekend was the official preview weekend of the Odd Family Haunted House. We usually run on the weekend before Halloween to test out all the scares and make sure everything is working properly. This weekend was pretty dead but we were able to get about 20-30 people through and it worked pretty good. We should be able to take what we learned and fix it up to perfection for the big night on Wednesday.

The thing we were missing the most was help. Our family which is always there were either busy, sick, or just plain MIA. The friend of ours that has been jazzed since last year to come back and help was 30 minutes late, and the people who did show up on time we’re fresh meat so I had a little trepidation about their being left alone in their spot to scare unsupervised. People were starting to line up, I was eating dinner and had yet to even get clothes on, typical crazy preview night. Eventually we got some people in some places and let through a group or two. Luckily we were dead and it was ok to be short handed, but it was hard to tell how things were functioning. Everyone involved still had fun scaring people and we’re looking forward to the big show. One cool thing happened though while we were trying to get things working. Some of the neighbors were hanging out and decided to dawn some clown outfits and scare with us. It was great to have the help but also good to have happy neighbors helping out.

Friends Who Dress Up Together Scare Together

Halloween we will have the opposite problem. So far we have all of our friends who want to be involved slated for the 31st so we will have tons of people and not enough scare spots. If you fill the haunted house with people the scaring is less than if you hide and pop out. I am thinking about some special fun outside for the line that is usually non stop all night long. Hopefully it all works out, but really the more the merrier when it comes to screaming and terrorizing the neighborhood. I hope everyone plans for some fun of their own and I’m truly sad for the kids that are on the East coast dealing with the Franken Storm. Stay safe and get candy.

A Haunting We Will Go

Posted in Random Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2012 by Dustin

This is my favorite time of year. The weather starts being palatable, spooky decorations come out, and the chocolate is abundant at every turn. Every year my family and I run a haunted house in the garage. It’s a month long ordeal decorating and building the garage into a scary maze for all the locals in my town to visit. We get a solid stream of people coming through from 7pm to 10pm ever year.

Undead Crawler

This year we’re going back to our staple, clowns. We have a bunch of clown stuff and all of our helpers have shown a lot of excitement to be a part of the circus of freaks this year. As always it’s less than a week from opening night and I am behind on the build. I hope to have a functioning house by our preview night this Saturday. We will be fully functional for sure on Halloween. I got sick in the middle of the month as well which hasn’t sped anything up. Hacking and climbing ladders doesn’t go together very well.

Body Parts


We do up the garage pretty good for a local non-profit haunted house. We always get tons of praise. If you would like to check out pictures of some of our previous years or follow our house’s progress and get directions check out our Facebook page. This will be our 15th year doing a haunted house and third doing clowns. More photos to come once we get the sign up, and hopefully the clown mouth entrance completed, this weekend. Hope you and yours have a great holiday.

Blacklit Clown

Animals Make Me Nutz

Posted in Random Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2012 by Dustin
I will pee on your couch

Venus The Wonder Poodle

I love animals. I love my animals. I have three cats and a dog (toy poodle, so basically four cats). But they also make me nutz. The dog pees all over the place. No matter how much we try to train her and give her treats for going outside she will still hop on the couch every now and then and let go the bladder from hell. The cats can’t make up their mind what is going on. The orange and white one is oblivious to anything but petting, the gray and white one walks around the house crying all day and night and attacking the other animals, and the kitten is tearing up all the furniture and our skin and beating up on the dog. But theey’re so fluffy and cuddly you might say, does that make up for all this?

I don’t know if it does or not. I seem to be more frustrated with them lately than usual. Maybe since I turned 40 I have less tolerance for their bullshit. Maybe the kitten added a new dynamic that is driving the other three insane. Who knows but they better get their shit together or they’re all going to be outside animals soon.

If you can sympathize leave your crazy pet stories in the comment section below.

I want to lick your salty body

Tongue Of Sand

Working With Others

Posted in Random Stuff with tags , , , , , , on September 17, 2012 by Dustin

My wife was laid off this week from her job and we’re taking this opportunity to find her something she loves to do rather than a job she has to do. I began by helping her go through a book called I Could Do Anything If I Only I Knew What It Was  by Barbara Sher. This book examines the “What” if you’re having issues nailing down your life dreams. It helps you get passed the guessing game and into action and I hope that my wife can find something that she loves to do.

I Could Do Anything

I Could Do Anything If I Knew What It Was – By Barbara Sher

Working with someone is a challenge, especially when the goal is so unclear. I found myself feeling upset that we couldn’t find the finish line. I guess it’s my manly “Fix It” nature wanting to be rewarded for being such an awesome help, but also I felt like I was letting her down because over a weekend I wasn’t able to help her find that one true calling when she hasn’t yet found it in her 40 years on this earth. What an ego maniac I am. She was very grateful for the help I did give her and while she slept the answer came without my input. She is working on the plan and will fill me in when she is ready.

Working with anyone is always a challenge. Whether its creating something together, or working on a project, or just cooking a meal in the same kitchen. There has to be give and take. Once the take or the give is over compensated for in either direction feelings can get hurt and the relationship, even the brief one in that kitchen, can begin to break down. I have to remember when I’m helping someone that I need to keep their goals and their needs in the forefront. When I insert how I see it, or what I need into the interactions things get squirrely. I am there to provide the input that helps move the other person along. When I insert selfish motives into my actions things get distorted and I am no longer being of maximum use to the other party.

Hopefully my wife’s time on unemployment yields some breakthroughs and she finds the path towards a new job or better yet and adventure that has the byproduct of giving her fulfillment and a small amount of compensation to boot. Whatever happens I am there for her to help her along.

Bagel Mistake In The Break Room

Posted in Random Stuff with tags , , , , , , , on September 13, 2012 by Dustin

I usually don’t rant too much, well at least not on this blog, but this morning I witnessed something so bizarre and unexplainably dumb that I had to share. Bare with me while I get this out.

I am in training this week. Every dayI have a ritual. I get to the training facility and clean out my cup, get a coffee and a bagel, and head to class. Everyday there is a bagel in the tray that is halved. Usually someone will take one half of a bagel and leave the other since they didn’t want a whole bagel. Someone has been halving the bagel that is already sliced right down the middle leaving one half top piece and one half bottom piece. Basically rendering this bagel untoastable, which is annoying but I get around it and use another whole bagel instead. Really this is a first world problem and I don’t care. (I can’t eat seeds due to some intestinal issues, so if there are no bagels left without seeds then I do get a little upset.) This morning I saw the lady who has been cutting bagels in half.

I had assumed who ever was messing up bagels was eating them cold, but today I came in to the break room and found a lady fishing bagel pieces out of the toaster. She had cut the bagel then stuck the pieces into the toaster where they were hard to get out, WTH?! So I am looking at this thinking, “What a dumb ass.” Then she goes to put cream cheese on it… with a spoon. She couldn’t find a knife, which I found in two seconds, so she used a spoon. She didn’t use the handle of the spoon which is similar enough to a knife, she used the spoon to scoop the cheese out and then tried to spread it around. I offered her the knife I found and she says, “Oh that’s ok, I’m almost done anyway.” Yeah might as well finish up the round trip of your stupidity.

Broken Bagel

WTH? Noooo!

After typing this up it does seem petty to be upset about this, which really I’m not but I do think it was peculiar. It does scare me that this person is training to work on computers at the school in my area. Good thing I don’t need to have someone else work on my machines, I may get the bagel genius.

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